I look on at this dusty console. Its been so long. So long since ive churned out anything for the masses. I’ve been… selfish. A little negligent. But I’ve had my reasons. I suppose I thought, maybe you all didn’t need me. That i needed to just let life move on and fade into obscurity like ive done in the lives of so many close to me. Why not? I couldn’t really find a good reason. The last few years taken its toll. What if you cheeky monkeys didnt need me? Then the itch happens a few months back.
I’ve been watching this whole time. Watching as the world begins to rip apart in the most awful of ways. Not in fun lighthearted madness, laughing into the night, but with greed and malevolence. Not right. It doesn’t sit well with me. So i walk across my MORTIS to my ancient desk that sit unused in the corner. Sit down, and let the words flow from my finger tips once again. Its been too long.
So as this year comes to an end, I leave you with these thoughts:
This last year has not been an easy one. Hell the last couple years have not been easy! its time to take a stand. Its time to decide we are all going to move forward, fight, and make this better. Anyway you can make it better, do it! It’s hard to think positive when the whole world is falling apart ((figuratively and literally in some cases)) You can’t save the whole world though. You just cant. But you can inject a little bit of positive energy when you can.
Dont forget to live life. Don’t forget to love freely. Its hard sometimes. The world beats you down and tells you not to. Tells you not to trust. Tells you you’re lazy if you try enjoying it. But your lives are so short and so fragile to sit by and let the little things eat at you. Every being in the multiverse is a book, and each day your write a new part. A new paragraph. Sometimes a chapter. Make it a good read. Go out and be amazing.
Now what am I going to do this year? 2019… I’m back. I’m going to drag myself to this keyboard and keep grinding away until I’m back to where I was. Why? Well… one part I want to, and another part I think its needed. Maybe one more voice. One more view-point. One more madman running his mouth isn’t a bad thing. If it can benefit even one person, it will be worth it.
Go out tonight and enjoy the end of this hard year. Pour a drink and ask “What the fuck happened?” Then tomorrow, lets roll up them sleeves and find a new way to make 2019…at minimum… better than last year. Lets move forward, and as wise men once said, Be excellent to each other!
Sadistically… and Humbly Yours,
A lot of people have been asking why I haven’t made a full return to the site yet. Well sometimes things are a little easier said than done. You see when I sit down to write i need quite, no distractions. But, the less distractions i have the more I’m able to think. The more rogue thoughts, that otherwise i would have kept buried are able to come to the surface. All the sudden it’s not so quiet anymore. My life can sometimes be complicated by my own mind. The same mind that allows me to put myself apart from others and flow my creative juices can be a horrible nemesis. It’s the nature of the beast. Allow me to set the stage for you…
Its late night. Little bit is asleep. I have an idea burning at the back of my head. A wonderful story to share with the Verse. I pour a drink, sit in my favorite chair, open up the MORTIS console and begin to write. Then a few lines in, its starts. At first as an indistinct chitter or a static. Then louder. The room grows dark and I’m no longer in my room, I’m in my head. Sitting at my desk surrounded by a plain white light from above. Then he steps into frame, or rather… I step into frame. Another version of me. He saunters over to the table and leans into it to talk to me.
Malice 2: Hey there me! What you writing? Finally decide to sit down and write that story? Well you had to do it sometime, you have so many up there in that noggin. Its going to be really hard to catch people up on what you’ve been doing! But you know that.
Me: Well yeah. I mean I have to start somewhere and I’m actually feeling better about things and at peace. Now is a good time to..
Malice 2: But how long will it last?
Me: I don’t know, but I have to try. I mean maybe if I get started it will keep me going.
Malice 2: Youve done this a lot though. What makes this time anymore special. It’s not like a whole lot of right is going on right now. Sure you won’t just flake?
Me: Well I don’t know if I don’t…
Malice 3: I’ve heard this all before. Just because you are ok now, doesn’t mean you are ok. It’s just the moment. Maybe work on something else and make it last a little longer.
Malice 4: He can’t make things last! Have you been paying attention? All attempts to find a life long companion end in tragedy! Everything we do ends and ruin! If he could have fixed himself, he would have a long time ago. It’s a lost cause!
Malice 5: It’s all the truth. Just give up. You can’t do it anyway. People will hate it. You are wasting your time!
Malice 6: It’s your faut she left! Its your fault she’s gone! You screwed it up!
Malice 2: Well now lets not be too harsh. We can’t blame him for every—
Malice 7: BLAME HIM FOR IT ALL HE DESERVES IT!! FEEL THAT PAIN! LET IT BURN! LET IT SCAR!!!
The room erupts into more negative thoughts as their voices fill the room, all I can discern is anger from the others mes. It’s a roar. A Deafening roar. Then I hear my companions, my travel buddies way in the back. Faintly. “Boss?” “Malice..” “Don’t listen” “Get out of there.” “It’s not true.” But it’s so faint, I can barely hear it before it’s just drowned out. The noise hits a fever pitch. I’m about to start thrashing about. Then a soft voice rises to the top. I close my eyes to try to focus.
The room is empty. I blink my eyes and im back in my room. Jazzy is standing next to me. She wraps her arms around me…
Jazzy: Daddy your sad. Please come to bed. I’m tired.
I smile at her and hug her close. I close the console and lay down next to her hugging her as she drifts off. This is my mind… My demons… My own worst enemy…
See you soon,
From the idea of KFC’s very own famous bowl…inspired by Patton Oswald’s famous rant…I bring you a Failure Pile in a Sadness Bowl. This is a meal for the person that says ” Fuck it! I’m eating like an animal today!” How do you make FP in a SB? Well one way is go to KFC. I make mine a bit different.
Okay, none of this is gourmet/home made. I feel it would have taken away from the “Fuck this!” feeling. You use Idahoan Applewood Smoked Bacon mashed potatoes, topped with sweet corn with garlic powder/onion powder/pepper, top that with some Great Value Chicken Wyngz, and then smothered with Great Value Brown Gravy, and Three Cheese Cheddar. Put all of that in a sadness bowl and your ready to eat. Enjoy!
What is up my Cheeky Little Monkeys? Man it has been far too long since I’ve sat down and typed an article. I’ve been away far to long my dears. I’ve missed you all and want to get you all looking to me again for your daily special brand of 100% grade a Madness.
First, let’s get this out of the way. The matter of business I was dealing with was the seperation of Seras and myself. Sometimes things just fall apart kiddies. 800 years is a long time to be together with someone. It’s not easy to stay together that long. I just needed some time to process things. Memories needed to be filed properly etc…Anyway…I’M BACK!!!!And what am I going to lead off with?…MORE DEPRESSING STUFF!! Let’s just get it all out of the way because I want to mention it and then next will be a Travel Report from Universal Studios Orlando.
First order of business, Wrestlemania 30. We are 5 days removed and I still can’t believe it. I’m so…I don’t even know the word…shocked? Depressed? Flabergasted? On April 6, 2014…the Streak…ended. Now a lot of you would wonder why that would hurt. Especially a Cheshire Cat….I attach to things. The Streak was something that made people happy. It made people believe in an invincible titan. A Deadman…that couldn’t be put down. There are some that didn’t care about it. That believe wrestling is staged, I guess it is…but you know what…so are soaps. So are reality shows…You think Teen Mom, The Kardashians, Duck Dynasty are real? Let me tell you, if you could see what I see it would be just as bad as when the Streak ended. We all have our false realities and stories and this was one that was truly epic. When it happened…silence went over the whole crowd…I thought people were going to riot. The ref couldn’t believe it, Haymen and Brock couldn’t believe it…and the look on Takers face. He deserved better. That man gave you everything Vince and you….well frankly you took a shit on him. And Brock of all people…that disrespectful little shit. I won’t get into that…I won’t la la la la la! Anyway!!! I don’t think this will ever get to the Undertaker, but if it does…Undertaker…you were my first hero. You will always be the invincible Deadman in these eyes. Thank You! Thank you from the bottom of my soul.
The rest of Wrestlemania was good don’t get me wrong…but I’ll never forget when the Streak ended….
Next bit of sad news…the passing of Wrestling Legend and Hall of Famer, The Ultimate Warrior. The story just makes you sad. The man finally patches stuff up with Vince. Gets inducted into the Hall of Fame, shows up one last time on Raw…then drops the next day. What the fuck kind of luck is this? The Streak and the Warrior all in the same week…nay days apart! It has been a bad week to be a fan. Emotional as hell. My heart goes out to his family. The most I can say, is at least he got to enjoy that spot light one last time. At least he got to experience that again before he went. I’m sure it made him happy to the bottom of his soul. He looked it.
That being said…let’s start the madness machine back up huh? Let’s get this party back to full throttle eh? LETS MAKE THE HEAVENS TREMBLE AT THE FACT I’M BACK HUH!? Welcome to my Madness! This is a new Malice…with new tricks…Welcome to the Tea Party! THE MAD TEA PARTY!!!
Until Next Time, My Cheeky Monkeys,
I know I’ve not posted much as of late. I’ve been going through a lot as of late. More than anything I thought I could stand to bare. But right now I’m still going through it, and I just don’t think i can give things the attention they currently deserve. So until further notice the website is on a hiatus. I’m sorry you guys out there that wait for stuff and to any of the organizations/talent I work with. This just needs to happen, I need to get things right with myself first. I do hope you all understand. I may stay active on the Twitter if you want to head over there and follow that. Mt head is just all over the place (more than usual).
Until Next Time, My Freaky Darlings,
Hey there Darlings! Well another year is about to pass us by and a new year follows it. 2013 was a wild year for me. Exciting, Extraordinary, Tumultuous, Depressing…really sort of bipolar. It would be incorrect to say that I did not have fun this year. But that fun had a lot of pit falls as well. I’m ready to put all of that behind me. This year will be new and have its own set of rules. That is what makes this day so exciting you see. New beginnings. It’s so sad that I have to start those new beginnings working at the mortal job, but hey at the very least that will allow me to test new resolve going into the New Year.
So, looking back on 2013…I met a wonderful lady by the name of Andrea Albin. I went to this convention that she put on called Fatality Fest and a blast. Then from there I got in touch with more awesome people like Katie Mackey and Joanna Shirley. The dudes at Muscle Wolf (some not with that group anymore) Jared Degado, Marv Blauvelt, The Barbosa Twins, and Marko Adams. Then the Soska sisters…The Twisted Twins…And that wonderful flick American Mary. Total win all around. I’m so glad that I found someone like Andrea that opened all of these doors for me and believes in what i do. A big Year end thank you to you and the others mentioned. Had an Awesome Halloween Horror Nights this year. A bit too much on the Walking Dead side, but you know…It was nice to get to go again like old times just Seras and Me…made it all the more special indeed.
This Year also had it’s fair share of pitfalls. A lot of personal issues kept me and the site crippled more than not. I just can’t bring to you all the bad that happens. The way I see it, you didn’t come here to see some depressed fool mope. You came here for some old-fashioned Chaos and Madness…So with that said…I’m putting all of that behind me. All of the bad that happened this year has made Seras and me stronger for the battle ahead. We welcome it with open arms and guns at the ready to take on all that comes at us.
So what do we have to look forward too? A LOT ACTUALLY! Universal Studios has a lot of expansions coming to life this year. A new City Walk Experience, a new Resort, and let’s not forget the next step in the Potter Verse Diagon Ally/Queen Cross Station. A new Halloween Horror Nights of course is always wonderful. A lot of good movies are coming out this year. A New Fatality Fest is around the corner as well. Andrea had her fair share go wrong in 2013 as well and she wants 2014 to be hit with a vengeance…I can’t wait to see what she cooks up. OH YEAH! MegaCon 2013 is looking pretty awesome. The line up is great and i can’t wait. I hope all works out and we can make it for at least a day or two. We shall see….2014 looks bright.
Darlings look into the new..leave last year in the past and make this new year your bitch. I know more new bad things will happen, but use the lessons that 2013 taught you to weather the storm. Raise your glass high Darlings, and I’ll see you all in the new year…
Until Next Time, My Freaky Darlings,
December 25th, 2013 3:05am Los Angeles, CA
A path of destruction lay in Santa’s wake. It From New York all the way to LA. The city of Lost Angels lay right in his sights. All of the naughtiest of cities lay in complete destruction and this was going to mark his last stop on the North American leg of this tour. The military had tried to stop him many times, but found their own tech useless against this master tinkerer. “These naughty boys and girls think they can stop me? Ha! Forget a lump of coal…you’re all getting a lump of lead!” bellowed Clause.
As he draw closer, he could see the army getting ready to make a last stand as well. They surrounded the city with all they had. They would protect LA at all costs…too bad they wouldn’t be able to pay that cost. They centered all of their weapons on him and he on them. It wouldn’t be long before all hell would break loose. Both sides prepare to lay waste to one another, when out of no where…CRASH! A second sleigh slammed right into Santa’s. Santa grabbed his controls and straightened himself out. As he did this, the other sleigh come about. It was lead by three reindeer and one had a red nose. It was in shambles and covered in rust and scratched all to hell. The driver was head to toe in fur with two foot horns atop his head. With a snarl and a growl he reveal his sharp yellow teeth. It was the Krampus here to save the day.
“Krampus!? What are you doing here!?” asked a confused Saint Nick.
“What the Hell do you think you are doing Kris? This is a mess! Have you lost your damn mind or something?” yelled the beastly demon.
“Lost my mind? Krampus, you should understand how I feel. I didn’t understand you for years…now I do! The naughty deserve to be punished! Coal isn’t going to do it. The naughty list should be purged. That’s the only way.” yelled Santa
“Punished? How is this punishment? This is out right Genocide Kringle! No one can learn a lesson if there is no one left,” pleaded the beast. “You have to stop this Santa. I’m only going to warn you this once. Turn your self around and we will go talk this out.”
“I’m not going to listen to you! You’re just mad you never thought of this. Some enforcer you are. You stopped having my back years ago Kramp. Maybe if you would have stuck with it, things wouldn’t be as bad as they are!” Santa turned his eyes to the Hollywood sign. “This town will turn to ash, and you are going to watch it.
Krampus looked at his old partner in disgust. “You want me to take up my old mantle huh? Well what better time to start than now. Let’s do this then.”
“Now that’s what I’m talking about! Let’s make them pay Krampy!” Santa said while drawing a saber and pointing toward the city. Just as he was about to open fire though, a mass of rusty metal chains wrap round him and the sleigh. Clause spun around in shock.
“I think you mistook me. You want me to enforce the naughty list? Hell here you go! You’re at the top of the list. As bad as you’ve been…a trip to hell ought to do you some good.” With that, Krampus let out a roar. A hole opened up in the Earth and fire spewed forth. “This is for your own good Santa! Merry Christmas to all and to all a better night. Krampus flew down into the hole, and as quick as it appeared it was gone again. The military couldn’t believe what they saw. In fact no one could. Today would be the day….the day that the Krampus saved Christmas.
December 24, 2013 9:30pm: New York, NY
Chaos…is the only way you could describe New York. New York was the first mark on Santa’s naughty list. He had only been there an hour. But in that hour he had laid waste to a good chunk of the city. The city was alive with the fires of war. The National Guard had tried to mount on offensive, but to no avail. They just good not stop this red, Yuletide Berserker. Now they just try to rescue as many as possible while rockets blazed over head. The top brass tried to formulate a plan, but to be honest, they had no idea what to do.
Saint Nick smiled down at his wonderful disaster. It had been so long since he had been so happy. “You didn’t want to believe in me. Now you can all fear me. Fear the name Kris Kringle. I’ll see this city burn to cinders before it’s all over with!” With a press of a button and payload of rockets took off in all directions. “Merry Christmas to all, and to all burn in hell!”
All seemed lost on this joyous holiday. Who was going to stop this mad Santa? Who was going to stop his murderous rampage?
December 24, 2013 6:49pm North Pole
All day preparations were made. The elves prepared for Christmas and Santa prepared…for retribution. Everyone was gathered at the launch area. The toys were all ready to be loaded and the reindeer to be attached to the sled. Everyone was just awaiting the arrival of the big man himself. The workshop he was hold up in was at the top of the hill overlooking the gathering. He sat looking out the window seething with hatred. He was disgusted by the sight of it all. All of these ungrateful ingrates. All of them smiling like they had been working so hard.
“Bullshit! That’s what this is…it’s all shit the whole thing. No body appreciates what I do. Not a damn person down there and not a damn person in this world. I bet they learn to appreciate things after this night. Everyone will.” As he spoke he finished a bottle of nog and walked off toward the sleigh. He threw on his red coat and put on his leather gloves. The sleigh was now fitted with its own thrusters and could move without the aid the reindeer. Throwing off the blankets that covered the vehicle, the new additions sparkled. Candy cane colored machine guns line the side. Rocket and Grenade launchers accented those. The back of the sleigh that was usually filled with toys and presents…was now filled with all types of guns and ammunition. He started up the sleigh and did a quick system check. “Time for some real Christmas Cheer.”
Down at the launch point everyone was laughing and singing. Smiles lined the face of everyone as they stand waiting for the big moment when Santa rode off into the night. A crowd clap was started by some of the elves to cheer on St. Nick. It grew louder and louder until it was all you could hear for miles around. That is…until a louder noise broke through. A loud crack stopped the clapping and silence fell over the crowd. The crowd started to part except for one elf that remain in the middle. Blood trickled down his face from a bullet hole right between his eyes. All anyone could do was stand there in silence. Silence that was wrecked by the sound of twin chain guns ripping through elves.
Santa came flying down the hill laying waste to the whole launch pad. Rockets launched from the side of the red death machine and ripped through the nearby workshops. The reindeer flew off to try to get away from it all. Only Rudolph, Vixen, and Dasher made it. At the top of the hill Mrs. Clause came out of their house and looked down at the chaos. A look of shock spread over her face. That shock turned into a absolute terror as she say a rocket pay load release in her direction. In a matter of seconds, the once beautiful North Pole, was now a smoldering war zone.
Santa set the sleigh down in the middle of it all. He looked around, taking everything in with his bright blue eyes. As he looked at his work a chuckle started deep into his belly. That chuckle turned into a laugh, which then grew to a roar of delight. “That was so liberating! All of these years….just building up! I can’t wait to spread some more Christmas Cheer!” Absolute elation spread over the old mans face as he narrowed his sights south. “Ho…Ho…Ho…”
This night…did not promise to be a silent one…
December, 24th 2013: 1:32am, North Pole
The last few nights had Santa busy at work in the shop. Wit all of the toys finished and off to be wrapped, he was able to have the workshop all to himself. This gave him time for his new project. He had some things to fabricate and needed to make some upgrades to the sled. He had been in there the whole time with no sleep and hardly any food. He was finishing the touches on an improvement to the sleigh, when a knock came at the door.
The knock belonged to no other than Archie Cobblebox. ” Doors open!” He bellowed
“Santa? What are you doing out here in the workshop? I would have thought you would be getting some rest for later tonight?” asked the elf.
“Well, I just have some final arrangements I need to make. Some work needs done to the sled, and I have some last-minute gifts to make. Gifts for all of you,” said Clause with a deadpan voice. Something was very wrong with the holiday icon.
Archie looked at him sideways as he looked around the room. Everything was covered except for what Clause tinkering with on the sleigh. None of the shapes looked like gifts he had ever seen though. The smells didn’t match up either. Instead of warmth and fresh-cut wood…maybe a little stuffing and fresh fabric. All he could make out was steel, oil, and some other thing he wasn’t very familiar with. “Santa you know you didn’t have to make us any gifts. Why the new workshop was good enough. You made life so much easier with that.”
“Oh, I did huh? It is a marvel that machine. Makes anything as long as you have the specifications. Anything your heart desires…” he trailed off as he stared into his welding light. The light reflecting in his goggles.
The little helper was getting nervous at this point as he looked around the room. Curiously he tried to make out what St. Nick was welding to the side of the sleigh. He just couldn’t make it out. It almost looked like a cylinder with eight tubes positioned in it and was attached to a gear assembly. If only he could get a closer look. “Santa is there anything I can give you a hand with? Maybe make your night end faster so you can get some rest?”
He looked up from what he was doing. He just sat there staring at the elf for what seemed like an eternity. Then he spoke, “Sure thing!” He had a smile across his face. For the first time in a month he was actually smiling. Archie smiled with delight. “Hand me that wrench over there on the bench.” As Archie turned his back, Santa reached into the sleigh to the control assembly. with the flick of a switch, his device began to whir and spin. A laser dot lit up and he aimed it on the back of the elf. “You can help me calibrate this…” With the pull of a trigger…the elf was no more. The old man turned his head to the side. “Almost there.” He continued his work through the night.