What is up my Cheeky Little Monkeys? Man it has been far too long since I’ve sat down and typed an article. I’ve been away far to long my dears. I’ve missed you all and want to get you all looking to me again for your daily special brand of 100% grade a Madness.
First, let’s get this out of the way. The matter of business I was dealing with was the seperation of Seras and myself. Sometimes things just fall apart kiddies. 800 years is a long time to be together with someone. It’s not easy to stay together that long. I just needed some time to process things. Memories needed to be filed properly etc…Anyway…I’M BACK!!!!And what am I going to lead off with?…MORE DEPRESSING STUFF!! Let’s just get it all out of the way because I want to mention it and then next will be a Travel Report from Universal Studios Orlando.
First order of business, Wrestlemania 30. We are 5 days removed and I still can’t believe it. I’m so…I don’t even know the word…shocked? Depressed? Flabergasted? On April 6, 2014…the Streak…ended. Now a lot of you would wonder why that would hurt. Especially a Cheshire Cat….I attach to things. The Streak was something that made people happy. It made people believe in an invincible titan. A Deadman…that couldn’t be put down. There are some that didn’t care about it. That believe wrestling is staged, I guess it is…but you know what…so are soaps. So are reality shows…You think Teen Mom, The Kardashians, Duck Dynasty are real? Let me tell you, if you could see what I see it would be just as bad as when the Streak ended. We all have our false realities and stories and this was one that was truly epic. When it happened…silence went over the whole crowd…I thought people were going to riot. The ref couldn’t believe it, Haymen and Brock couldn’t believe it…and the look on Takers face. He deserved better. That man gave you everything Vince and you….well frankly you took a shit on him. And Brock of all people…that disrespectful little shit. I won’t get into that…I won’t la la la la la! Anyway!!! I don’t think this will ever get to the Undertaker, but if it does…Undertaker…you were my first hero. You will always be the invincible Deadman in these eyes. Thank You! Thank you from the bottom of my soul.
The rest of Wrestlemania was good don’t get me wrong…but I’ll never forget when the Streak ended….
Next bit of sad news…the passing of Wrestling Legend and Hall of Famer, The Ultimate Warrior. The story just makes you sad. The man finally patches stuff up with Vince. Gets inducted into the Hall of Fame, shows up one last time on Raw…then drops the next day. What the fuck kind of luck is this? The Streak and the Warrior all in the same week…nay days apart! It has been a bad week to be a fan. Emotional as hell. My heart goes out to his family. The most I can say, is at least he got to enjoy that spot light one last time. At least he got to experience that again before he went. I’m sure it made him happy to the bottom of his soul. He looked it.
That being said…let’s start the madness machine back up huh? Let’s get this party back to full throttle eh? LETS MAKE THE HEAVENS TREMBLE AT THE FACT I’M BACK HUH!? Welcome to my Madness! This is a new Malice…with new tricks…Welcome to the Tea Party! THE MAD TEA PARTY!!!
Until Next Time, My Cheeky Monkeys,
Hey there Darlings! Of all the interviews I’ve done, I never dreamed I would get to sit down with a legend of pro-wrestling. I’ve been a fan for a long time, and this next interview was with one of my favorites. A Two time ECW World Heavyweight Champion…an impressive 39 time WWE Hardcore Champion…the one…the only…RAVEN! I got a little too excited, and sort of choked back a little. But the man still did a great interview, and gave me some pretty good advice. The little Psychotik loved him to death, it was awesome. You didn’t tune in though to see me talk about that…you came to read an interview. Top Hats on Darlings…
Quoth the Raven…
Malice: In your early career you had a couple different names and you made the switch to Raven. What made you decide to switch your persona to Raven?
Raven: That’s who I wanted to be. You know you get stuck with personas because the companies want to give you stuff and with ECW I was allowed to come up with my own thing.
M: You were able to compete in all major wrestling federations WWF, WWE, WCW, ECW, TNA out of all of those, which one gave the best experience?
R: ECW and Portland Wrestling.
M: As wrestling changed over the years, do you think it was better then or now?
R: I don’t watch it now so I have no idea. I would assume by the ratings it was better then.
M: What do you think, in your opinion, was the reason WCW kind of fell to the way side?
R: There are too many reasons. It would take me too long to discuss it.
M: One thing I had looked up, you held the hardcore title 27 times…
R: No, actually it’s 39
M: Really? Which they still hailed you as the most reigns with one title. Did you ever look back on that and think ‘I held that record?’
R: Nah I don’t look back on anything. That is in the past. You gotta live in the now.
M: I used to love watching the hardcore matches. What went into those? It’s kind of hard to fake getting thrown into a brick wall, getting hit in the head with a chair, trash can or kendo stick.
R: What you see is what it is. There is no other way to describe it. I mean you know the creativity was usual mine. Well obviously my opponent had input too but I tried to make mine more creative than everyone else and add more psychology so mine would stand out.
M: What have you done in your career that you are most proud of?
R: I don’t know. I’m not sure. I really don’t know. Probably being successful at it. When I got in the business, I was the smallest guy in the business. The fact that I was able to make it and have such a long running career after consistently burning so many bridges and being so small comparatively. Now I’m 6’2 when I started I was 5’11 220 at the most. When I was all roided out I was 220 so I never lifted weights after 160. My graduation weight and Jericho’s, I mean I’m much bigger than Jericho but he graduated high school at 185, I graduated at 160. And that was after 2 years of lifting so you could imagine how small I was. And I didn’t have any abs so I was small with a thick waist. The fact I was able to make it with my size and lack of athleticism speaks volumes I think.
M: Of all the things you brought to the ring, what was your favorite?
R: The Frankenstein doll or the ficus plant
M: So you had a storyline that was offered to you on Sunday Night Heat involving the Seven Deadly Sins…can you tell us a bit about that?
R: No they didn’t offer it. I came up with it. They botched it. One of the best storylines I ever came up with but they never let me do it right. And so it just never happened but what I had originally created was so fantastic, so brilliant, so clever.
M: What advice would you have for a young start-up into the business?
R: Wrestle in High School, Wrestle in collage…they like that. Get abs, they like abs. The leaner you look the better. It’s not about style anymore it’s about appearances. Eddie Guerrero was 180 lbs but he looked like he was 230. He wasn’t very tall but his build made him look much bigger. Don’t get me wrong much guys are a lot bigger. He just happened to be a smaller guy that looked bigger. Then you got guys like Billy Gunn who are legitimately 6′ 5″ and 280 lbs shredded. Anyway, just do that and watch as much wrestling as you can.
M: Last question, one of the most controversial moments of your career was when you crucified Sandman on ECW. After you did the deed, you were then made to go out and apologize. My question is, would you have done it differently or not at all in hind sight?
R: Of course I would have done it, it was brilliant! The only reason there was controversy was because Kurt Angle was there. If he wouldn’t have been there, if they hadn’t been trying to recruit him, there would have been no controversy. it would have gone over like it was supposed to, I wouldn’t have had to go out and apologize. It would have worked like a charm. But because Kurt Angle was there, he got pissed. Then Tazz and some others jumped on the band wagon. Normally they wouldn’t have said anything, or if they did it would have been in private. It had the right effect though. There was just a hush over the crowd, everyone was silent. But it was a good kind of silence. But whatever you know, it happens…
M: I actually read a comment that went something like, “Well why didn’t you tie him to a Star of David?” and you answered, “Well then we would had to roll him out of the ring!”
R: No it would have rolled away on its own. It wouldn’t have had the symbolism. it had nothing to do with religion. It was all symbolic.
M: so it’s not about the religion or the politics it’s about the message basically…
R: Yeah, you know I was the martyr for societies dysfunction and so I was going to make Sandman feel my pain..that’s all…which we would have explained as the story went but we didn’t get a chance to because it got kabosched.
Did you like all of that? I loved it! Not often do I get struck fanboy style. This was one time for sure. But you know, the advice he gave me caused me to hit the rest of the interviews with a ferocious vengeance. A lot of other people that weekend thought he was a bit grumpy. But to me, I thought he was him. He was a legend in the flesh. Real great with kids. Jazzy loved him. He made a new fan. Stay tuned Darlings…we have a Scream Queen up next!!!
Until Next Time, My Freaky Darlings,
I would have loved to do a news article this week. As a matter of fact had one planned. But this week has resulted in tragedy. Most may not know I’m a fan of wrestling. Not sure if it’s the fighting or the drama…but it has always entered my life at one time or another. I especially loved wrestling from the early 90’s on up. About 2005 I fell out of it and then recently had my interest fully re sparked. Possibly one of my favorite characters to step in the squared circle, wasn’t even a wrestler. While most kids remember the Paul Bearer as a horror host….I remember a different one. I remember The Undertaker’s demented manager. He was my Paul Bearer, and his real name was William Moody.
My earliest memories of Paul Bearer was him following Undertaker to the ring with his golden urn in hand. I remember the way he would squeal out his catch phrase “Ohhhhh Yes!!” You couldn’t not pay attention to him. The perfect compliment to my favorite wrestler. He was really one of those damsel in distress type managers…I use that term “Damsel” loosely by the way. He never seemed to be able to stay out of trouble. And he was so short and round, the only chance he had was to blind side you with that urn. Still though, you loved to see how they were going to keep him away from the Dead Man next. I don’t think the sports entertainment industry will ever find another like him.
He was only 58 when he passed away on Tuesday of gallbladder complications. Was wondering if he would come back for what may be The Undertakers last Wrestlmania match (I say last because Taker is up there too!) Just was very shocked and saddened. I would have loved to have met him. Interesting fact, did you know he really was a mortician? Kind of adds to the creepy feel of an already macabre character. He will be missed. If you would like to know more about his grand history in wrestling, click HERE!
Well, that’s all for now…currently planning out some article schedules. Just really bummed even typing this. Paul Bearer…Rest…In….Peace.
Until Next Time, My Freaky Darlings,
I’ve been wanting to do a weekly news post for sometime now…just have never gotten around to it. Now that I am, I find myself scratching my head for things to post. I mean…what does one report? I’m not a regular news site, so I doubt I’ll do that. I could just go over things that pertain to the site…but eventually then we would hit a few stale weeks. Nope, I think I’m just going to post about the topics that have tickled my fancy in the last week. Let’s give this a shot shall we…
A WEEK IN THE NEWS…ASYLUM!
One of the biggest events I’ve seen people talking about is the meteor that exploded over Russia last week. Crazy little world we live in right? Yeah the same day we got a near miss asteroid, an unrelated meteor exploded over top Chelyabinsk, Russia injuring 1,100+ people. The thing weighed 10 tons, and caused a shit load of havoc! Thank Cthulhu it wasn’t a bigger one, or the asteroid for that matter. Apparently the worst news is we have no current way of tracking or preventing things like that from happening again. I’ll post a video below, because really you have to see it to believe it. Could you imagine if that would have happened over New York? The panic would have been uncontrollable! Not that I’m glad it was over Russia! Really wish it wouldn’t have happened at all. On the bright side though, apparently the meteor rock is very valuable and has created a sort of “gold rush” effect in the area. What some people won’t do eh? I guess you could also take it as a positive that the asteroid that was nearly cut out of the news by the meteor, didn’t hit us or explode either. Had that hit, it could have leveled a city the size of London with ease. I would also like to report I’ve seen nothing that suggests we have damaged satellites either, as it was supposed to have passed through our satellite ring.
Next big historical event should have happened back in 1865. This week marks the last state to ratify the 13th Amendment…you know the one that abolishes slavery! Apparently a 148 years of lazy clerks allowed this to be an oversight. Recently a Mississippi Doctor, Dr. Ranjan Batra, was inspired to look into it. His inspiration came from the movie Lincoln. He was shocked to learn that his fine state had not in fact abolished slavery. Nope in all technicality, they it was still very much OK. Shame on you Mississippi! Well, in their defense, they did ratify it in 1995. But it wasn’t made official because they didn’t tell the Federal Government or file the proper papers. Still though 1995? That’s still a big oversight…ouy vey!
Next is a little less historical…a lot more horrifying! Biologists have created “zombie cells.” Not just “zombie cells,” but cells that out perform their living counter part. The cells can survive greater temperatures and higher pressure than living. In most cases, they even perform better at certain cellular functions. The cells are created by painting the live mammalian cells with silicic acid. That embalms the cells down to a nanometric level. From here the cells are cooked to 400C. This burns off the protein,but leaves the a three-dimensional model…the “zombie cell.” The remaining biological matter has a few uses as well. One of these uses involves fuel cells. At any rate, you have to wonder why call it zombie cells? The way the article explains it, you would think it to be harmless. Like not something that could spark a zombocolypse. However, this is how these things start…a little bit of Franken-science goes a long way. Read more HERE!
Well we have historical covered, science…maybe a little tech? Why not in the form of the official press release for the Sony PS4!!! So far some of the coolest features are two cameras built into the unit (huhu I said Unit), touch pad on the 6 axis controller, ability to use the PS Vita similar to a Wii U controller, and of course the boss ass hardware upgrade (custom AMD processor with eight x86-64 AMD Jaguar CPU cores, next-gen AMD Radeon based graphics engine, 8GB of GDDR..it’s a beast!), and an instant on feature. I’m really liking the instant on feature. Supposedly you are going to be able to turn the PS4 off and then turn it back on and almost instantly resume your game. This is supposed to be attributed to the new hardware. The price tag is also supposed to be loads cheaper than when the PS3 came out. Does that mean it’s going to be below $400? No. But it may be that or around that which isn’t that bad. The only draw back is there will be no backwards compatibility with the PS3. They have rumored that they may create some sort of online library to remedy that. Only time will tell. The only other negative I see on the horizon comes in the form of the console industries mounted attack on the used game industry. They didn’t address whether the PS4 would be able to use pre-owned games or not…but they didn’t deny it either. For more detailed info read HERE!
Not really sure where this fits in, but this week a big announcement was made by WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment). The announcement involved the location of Wrestlemania XXX. It seems that the big easy will be hosting one of the biggest sporting entertainment events of the year. Not just that, but apparently it is going to be grander than ever with events planned the whole week leading up to the April 2014 event. I’m interested! I’ve always been interested in going to New Orleans. I’ve always wanted to go to a Wrestlemania…this just seems perfect! It’s also fair to mention that The Rock will be on the match card as well. This I guess gives some proof that his recent little return isn’t going to be that brief. I see an exciting year with the Great One back in a top spot. I know it’s silly that this may be the thing to get my ass to New Orleans, but hey….would it be normal if I had a normal reason? Didn’t think so…watch the video below for the whole announcement.
Last but not least, what news report would be complete without a little scandal…and speaking of WWE I have just the one! Wrestler Jack Swagger was arrested late Tuesday the 19th for speeding, possession (not demonic), and DUI. Apparently he had just come from a taping of Smack Down. Jack Swagger had just recently won the Elimination Chamber match at the pay-per-view of the same name. This grants him a shot at the World Heavyweight Title at Wrestlmania 29. Now his charges are just misdemeanors, but one wonders how WWE will react. One thing WWE has never had a history of dealing with well is drug or alcohol scandal. Time will tell…
That’s all for this week Darlings! Stay tuned for more to come…feeling a lot better! remember to help spread the madness! Like the Facebook pages…share the articles…make the world a crazier place!
Until Next Time, My Freaky Darlings,
Editors Note: I’m aware that News is depressing…if this did that (and I don’t see how) here is a photo to lift your spirit!