Posts tagged “St. Nick

Trouble at the Pole: Entry 8

December 25th, 2013 3:05am Los Angeles, CA

A path of destruction lay in Santa’s wake. It From New York all the way to LA. The city of Lost Angels lay right in his sights. All of the naughtiest of cities lay in complete destruction and this was going to mark his last stop on the North American leg of this tour. The military had tried to stop him many times, but found their own tech useless against this master tinkerer. “These naughty boys and girls think they can stop me? Ha! Forget a lump of coal…you’re all getting a lump of lead!” bellowed Clause.

As he draw closer, he could see the army getting ready to make a last stand as well. They surrounded the city with all they had. They would protect LA at all costs…too bad they wouldn’t be able to pay that cost. They centered all of their weapons on him and he on them. It wouldn’t be long before all hell would break loose. Both sides prepare to lay waste to one another, when out of no where…CRASH! A second sleigh slammed right into Santa’s. Santa grabbed his controls and straightened himself out. As he did this, the other sleigh come about. It was lead by three reindeer and one had a red nose. It was in shambles and covered in rust and scratched all to hell. The driver was head to toe in fur with two foot horns atop his head. With a snarl and a growl he reveal his sharp yellow teeth. It was the Krampus here to save the day.

“Krampus!? What are you doing here!?” asked a confused Saint Nick.

“What the Hell do you think you are doing Kris? This is a mess! Have you lost your damn mind or something?” yelled the beastly demon.

“Lost my mind? Krampus, you should understand how I feel. I didn’t understand you for years…now I do! The naughty deserve to be punished! Coal isn’t going to do it. The naughty list should be purged. That’s the only way.” yelled Santa

“Punished? How is this punishment? This is out right Genocide Kringle! No one can learn a lesson if there is no one left,” pleaded the beast. “You have to stop this Santa. I’m only going to warn you this once. Turn your self around and we will go talk this out.”

“I’m not going to listen to you! You’re just mad you never thought of this. Some enforcer you are. You stopped having my back years ago Kramp. Maybe if you would have stuck with it, things wouldn’t be as bad as they are!” Santa turned his eyes to the Hollywood sign. “This town will turn to ash, and you are going to watch it.

Krampus looked at his old partner in disgust. “You want me to take up my old mantle huh? Well what better time to start than now. Let’s do this then.”

“Now that’s what I’m talking about! Let’s make them pay Krampy!” Santa said while drawing a saber and pointing toward the city. Just as he was about to open fire though, a mass of rusty metal chains wrap round him and the sleigh. Clause spun around in shock.

“I think you mistook me. You want me to enforce the naughty list? Hell here you go! You’re at the top of the list. As bad as you’ve been…a trip to hell ought to do you some good.” With that, Krampus let out a roar. A hole opened up in the Earth and fire spewed forth. “This is for your own good Santa! Merry Christmas to all and to all a better night. Krampus flew down into the hole, and as quick as it appeared it was gone again. The military couldn’t believe what they saw. In fact no one could. Today would be the day….the day that the Krampus saved Christmas.

Brom_Krampus


Trouble at the Pole: Entry 7

December 24, 2013 9:30pm: New York, NY

Chaos…is the only way you could describe New York. New York was the first mark on Santa’s naughty list. He had only been there an hour. But in that hour he had laid waste to a good chunk of the city. The city was alive with the fires of war. The National Guard had tried to mount on offensive, but to no avail. They just good not stop this red, Yuletide Berserker. Now they just try to rescue as many as possible while rockets blazed over head. The top brass tried to formulate a plan, but to be honest, they had no idea what to do.

Saint Nick smiled down at his wonderful disaster. It had been so long since he had been so happy. “You didn’t want to believe in me. Now you can all fear me. Fear the name Kris Kringle. I’ll see this city burn to cinders before it’s all over with!” With a press of a button and payload of rockets took off in all directions. “Merry Christmas to all, and to all burn in hell!”

All seemed lost on this joyous holiday. Who was going to stop this mad Santa? Who was going to stop his murderous rampage?


Trouble at the Pole: Entry 5

December, 24th 2013: 1:32am, North Pole

The last few nights had Santa busy at work in the shop. Wit all of the toys finished and off to be wrapped, he was able to have the workshop all to himself. This gave him time for his new project. He had some things to fabricate and needed to make some upgrades to the sled. He had been in there the whole time with no sleep and hardly any food. He was finishing the touches on an improvement to the sleigh, when a knock came at the door.

The knock belonged to no other than Archie Cobblebox. ” Doors open!” He bellowed

“Santa? What are you doing out here in the workshop? I would have thought you would be getting some rest for later tonight?” asked the elf.

“Well, I just have some final arrangements I need to make. Some work needs done to the sled, and I have some last-minute gifts to make. Gifts for all of you,” said Clause with a deadpan voice. Something was very wrong with the holiday icon.

Archie looked at him sideways as he looked around the room. Everything was covered except for what Clause tinkering with on the sleigh. None of the shapes looked like gifts he had ever seen though. The smells didn’t match up either. Instead of warmth and fresh-cut wood…maybe a little stuffing and fresh fabric. All he could make out was steel, oil, and some other thing he wasn’t very familiar with. “Santa you know you didn’t have to make us any gifts. Why the new workshop was good enough. You made life so much easier with that.”

“Oh, I did huh? It is a marvel that machine. Makes anything as long as you have the specifications. Anything your heart desires…” he trailed off as he stared into his welding light. The light reflecting in his goggles.

The little helper was getting nervous at this point as he looked around the room. Curiously he tried to make out what St. Nick was welding to the side of the sleigh. He just couldn’t make it out. It almost looked like a cylinder with eight tubes positioned in it and was attached to a gear assembly. If only he could get a closer look. “Santa is there anything I can give you a hand with? Maybe make your night end faster so you can get some rest?”

He looked up from what he was doing. He just sat there staring at the elf for what seemed like an eternity. Then he spoke, “Sure thing!” He had a smile across his face. For the first time in a month he was actually smiling. Archie smiled with delight. “Hand me that wrench over there on the bench.” As Archie turned his back, Santa reached into the sleigh to the control assembly. with the flick of a switch, his device began to whir and spin. A laser dot lit up and he aimed it on the back of the elf. “You can help me calibrate this…” With the pull of a trigger…the elf was no more. The old man turned his head to the side. “Almost there.” He continued his work through the night.


Trouble at the Pole: Entry 4

December 20th, 2013: North Pole

A few days have passed since Santa had completed the Reindeer  maintainer. He sat alone in a small work shop considering the last couple of days. Mrs. Clause had really laid into him a couple of nights ago. She was angry he had spent so little time with her. It had to be hard to be the wife of a holiday icon. A time when everyone should be with one another, and her own husband could not be around her. She told him that the last couple of days had been the last straw. If he wanted to be around his tinkerings so much he could go live outside in one of the workshops with them. So for the last few days he try to absorb in his work. The elves that now had a machine to make all of the complicated toys had to have him run it. Turns out they weren’t very good at using it. Which worked out nicely. it gave the old man something else to focus on.

As busy as he kept though making things to fill others with joy, that Christmas cheer had been sucked straight out of him. He sat in his workshop with a small fire going, on his second bottle of Nog. Nobody cared what he wanted. Nobody cared if he was happy. All everyone wanted was what THEY wanted. What THEY needed, or for that matter thought they needed. This was his holiday and he was sick of it. Maybe it was the Nog, but he was sickened by it. Such Greed! A holiday that was once meant for good will and joy….was now consumed. Taken over by Avarice. From Black Friday until Christmas was nothing but want…want…WANT. Day in and day out and he was sickened to the core.

Is this all I exist for? To fuel other people’s wants? What about what I want? Will anyone ever care about that? Ah Fuck it! Let’s just get through that dam night. A night filled with dumping off toys and gifts to those that don’t deserve a piece of reindeer shit. Somebody ought to give them what they really deserve…Someone should give them ALL what they really deserve.

As he thought this he polished off another bottle and passed out. That night he would dream. Not of toys and cheer….but of fire and hate.


Trouble At the Pole: Entry 3

December 12, 2013 9:00pm, North Pole

After days of working night and day, in a way only THE Santa Clause could do, a machine was built to help with the elves grievance. A massive machine that took up a hole work shop by itself. A small group of five could operate this hulking giant. Santa had been tinkering with the idea for years, but never went a head with it. There was just no time. This was a machine capable of making anything. All you needed to do was input how to make it, and it would build it flawlessly. This would help with all of the more complex things that the elves had complained about. Originally he didn’t want to make this contraption for fear of the elves thinking they were to be replaced. But if this is what they want.

The old man was so tired after working on his invention. He was just about to stroll off to bed, when his Reindeer keeper spotted him. “Santa! Oh Santa! Can I speak with you a moment…” the little elf called. Oscar Finchwald was his name. He had taken care of the Reindeer for years now. As he ran up, he gasped for breath. “I have a question to ask sir!”

“What is it Oscar? What is the matter?” asked a sleepy St. Nick.

“I noticed you finished the machine for the worker elves…and well…I was wondering. Do you think you could build something for me too?”

Santa’s eyes widened, “What is it that you need Oscar?”

“Something to help me groom and wash the reindeer would be nice,” smiled the portly elf “It’s just I’m not getting any younger and these reindeer…They are getting so hard to take care of. All I need is something that maybe they could be ran through that would help them get nice and groomed on a regular basis.”

Santa just stood there in disbelief. These demands were getting out of hand. “And when do you think you would need this by Oscar?”

“Oh maybe in the next couple of days”

“Oscar, I just finished the new workshop for the work elves. Do you really need it right now? Can’t you wait a few more days?” asked Santa.

The little elf’s face pursed and  his eyes narrowed. “So I guess the work elves are more important than me huh? Probably because there are more of them. Even though I’ve taken care of those filthy beasts for years without complaining. I get it, you care more about them than me. That is fine! Just fine…” he looked both ways then back up. “How about while you wait to make my machine…I take some days off huh? You can take care of them right? Or maybe one of the other elves.”

The red clad legend rubbed his eyes and sighed hard. “No…no we can’t have that…If you need this thing right away. I think I can manage. I did get the other elves device working quickly, it’s only fair I do the same for you.” As he spoke the little fat elf strode off with a grin. Santa just stand there…thinking of all the work he would have to do. Mrs. Clause would not be happy with this at all. She was already angry with him for not spending enough time at home. This wouldn’t sit well either. Santa thought to himself…If this doesn’t stop I’m going to break. All of these people…all of them and their fucking demands. Does anyone ever thing of me? Does anyone ever care what I need or want?


Trouble at the Pole…Entry 2

December 5th, 2013: North Pole 6:30pm

With the list went over and preparations started, new problems began to arise by the hour. The days of wooden toys and simple plastic toys had been gone for ages. Now at the Pole they needed to keep up with all sorts of new technology and computers to keep all the boys and girls of the world satisfied. All it ever took was a bad piece of equipment and a days production could be lost. This also brought the moral of the elves down to all time lows. The did like to tinker, but circuit boards and computer chips were utter nonsense!

Santa was taking a bit of time to tinker in his own personal workshop. An excellent craftsmen, Santa could make anything out of the smallest of things….and they would do amazing things too. But, they were no iPhone or any of the new game systems he had just figured out how to make a week ago. So he took some time each day to just work on some things and calm his mind. He was just in the middle of completing a wonderful flying train when a knock came at the door. It was his head foreman elf, Maxwell Tinkerbe.

“Santa I need to speak with you a second if you don’t mind…” said the elf.

“Sure thing Maxwell, whats on your mind.” Santa said as he walked to sit down at his desk.

The elf made his way to a seat in front of the desk and sat. He cleared his throat and spoke clearly, “Santa, we have some complaints amongst the other elves. Now I know we are well into the thick of things, and you are a busy man, but we feel some things do need to be addressed.”

A look of confusion spread across his ancient face, “Really? What sort of things are going on? What seems to be the trouble?”

“Well, you see Santa…everyone is fed up with making these computers and game systems. Why can’t we go back to making simple toys? Why do we bend our will to the will of these spoiled kids? Shouldn’t they be happy they receive anything at all?” The elf looked down nervously when he finished.

Santa’s eyes widened. He had similar thoughts. but he didn’t realize the elves felt that way as well. “Do all of the other elves feel this way Maxwell?” he said shocked.

“Yes. Yes we do. We’ve felt this way for some time now, but it wasn’t until the loss of 20 elves last week that we decided enough was enough. These new electronic toys are just not meant for us to make!” The passion in his voice was rising as he got more excited. “We are loosing our friends and family trying to please these  greedy children that shouldn’t even be on the Nice list! It has to stop!”

Santa was absolutely aghast. He couldn’t believe his eyes. “Maxwell, I understand your feelings I do. I took the loss of those elves as hard as you all. But we have to keep up with the times. If not then the kids won’t believe…and if they don’t believe…”

“We don’t care anymore!!” shouted the little creature. “We don’t care. And quite frankly, we are going to walk out if things don’t change. Let that sink in…” As he spoke he stormed out of the office.

Santa just sat there is disbelief. A walk out? he thought. What am I going to do now? I can’t have a walk out…What will the children think. All this negativity can’t end well…