Psychotik Review: World War Z

Darlings, it’s time I gave you a movie review don’t you think? In honor of this being October (The month we all receive a new season of The Walking Dead) Why not review a zombie flick? What about World War Z? Don’t mind if I do! I manged to pick up a copy the other day and I sat down to give it a see. I want to say before we get into this. Originally, when I first heard of this project, I had the highest hopes for this film. I’d always heard how good the book was. So I was excited to see an awesome zombie story get a chance on the big screen. Then i saw the trailer…then I saw another…then I saw the rating…then I saw the first reviews…then people told me about it…then people tried to defend it. As this happened…as this happened, my expectations got lower and lower….and lower. I was kind of hoping…well I hoped if I set my expectations at the bottom, maybe I could still enjoy it…Here’s what I thought:

Psychotik Review: World War Z

World War Z, as a book, is a the oral history of the Zombie War. A series of collected stories from those that were close to it and some that just experienced it. This paints an overall picture of what is going on. Now…I know…when a book goes to a film adaptation, the two cannot be the same. Some things work in film that do not work in books, and visa versa. However, one would think that they would at least have more similarities than World War Z the book and the movie of the same name. You have some familiar details. Some of the events…like 4 or 5. The main problem is to me…a Zombie story is only as good as the zombies in it. Why? Well, mostly because it’s about them. You have plenty of options, some less popular than others. You have virus, parasite, supernatural, voodoo, etc…Then you have shamblers and runners…mutants, undead, or berserker. You would at least expect the zombies to be the same as the book. They are not. In fact…not even close. I’m only about half through the book and I could tell you after the first two chapters, the book was way better. Let’s weigh this puppy.

Pros

What did this movie have going for it? Not much. Very run of the mill on the front of scares. Relied heavy on jump scares. Looked more like it was geared for teansy bompers. But hey, maybe that was the intended audience. The visuals were very nice as well as the CGI. If you were just expecting a regular action/suspense you would be pleased.

Really? FUCKING REALLY!?

Cons

Bigger list here. Were do I start. The story was absolute shit. Character development was very poor. I didn’t care for not a person in the film. Brad Pitt could have died and I wouldn’t have given a shit either way. The movie was paced way to fast. You jumped from place to place to place and before you knew it the movie was fucking over. The film was more about the grand visual effects than anything. You could have shot the whole thing CGI and it wouldn’t have mattered a lick. I don’t recall seeing one practical effect.

The zombies weren’t, I hate saying this, they weren’t believable! They were a cross between Resident Evil, 28 Days Later, and that God awful Day of the Dead remake with Nick Cannon. They don’t maul…they don’t feed, they take one bite and then leave. They are all about spreading the virus. From bite to zombie..it takes 12 seconds. Now if I recall Biology correct…that is impossible! What you are saying is that one bite…One bite rips through the body…infects cells and multiplies at nearly the speed of light. Then rewires the brain to do what the virus wants it to do…ALL IN 12 FUCKING SECONDS! The thought is scary, but….at least to me…I don’t find things like that scary. It’s totally unbelievable, and all it offers is a cheap scare. Oh and in that twelve seconds, they appear to be dead. Grey skin, eyes whited out, rigored veins…(I hate the Writer and the Director so fucking much for this film) Miraculously, the zombies also run and climb, and do things I’m sure they never could have done while alive. No…No…No…NO! NO! NO! NO! A fucking zombie went head first through a windshield in the first 10 minuets of the film! That would have killed it! Scramble the brain…kill the zombie! Simple as that.

One last thing to mention is…wait for it…

***SPOILER ALERT***

At the end of the film, Brad Pitt figured out to beat it they need a camo. That camo is a Fatal, all be it curable, disease. He thinks if you are terminal, they don’t want to infect you so they leave you alone. I sort of liked this..if they would have explained it better. They use this weird cocktail of illness…like a mixture of H1N1, and a few others. Then they cure it. Well if you cure it…doesn’t that make you NOT terminal anymore? Wouldn’t that mean the predator instinct would set back in? Wouldn’t they be a viable host again? Well, I suppose maybe the virus could linger…you know like Chicken Pox…but wait! They mention explicitly that this should be a bacteria…well there goes that…Last I check…an Anti-Biotic wipes the bad Bacteria out…Hmm. Well, maybe we should just take their word for it. It’s just strange. Strange because there are a lot of terminal illnesses out there. You would think, if the solution at the end of the movie were true…That people would have made a connection sooner. I mean look at the statistics for how many people have cancer at any given time. Oh and AIDS…and Heart Disease (America should have been fine)…well really any number of things that would make a host unfit…I guess it only recognizes terminal virus and bacteria…Damn that still leaves the FUCK ton of people who have AIDS all over the world. Sorry I can’t even try anymore. This movie is a turd.

I know this is going to be unpopular with some, but I give World War Z a 1 out of 5 Top Hats. Bad story, predictable…well you read it. I can tell you how it could have been better, but that will be a different article all together Darlings. Hope you find this useful. Watch for yourself if you want. I believe everyone can only form an opinion with their own eyes. That being said, I wouldn’t pay much to see it. Oh, and defiantly read the book…

Until Next Time, My Freaky Darlings,

Malice Psychotik