I know i said this was coming yesterday, funny thing about life: It always has an interesting way of taaking you in another direction. Not that this is a horrible thing. Sometimes, it takes you in the direction you need instead of the one you want…
ANY HOW!!! MOVING ON!!!
Lets put this baby in to gear and take it there. Input some corridinates. Play with the navigation a bit. I do love the sound the controls make to go to Halloween Horror Nights. You all don’t know about that yet though…Hmmm…Story for another time perhaps? Yes! Anyway, pulll this lever and… We’re off! While we are heading there I have a few words to add. Ive not actually visited this year yet. The opening night was last night. I’ve already heard some good things. This is really just a sit down and see whats in store. I know a lot of you creepy little monkeys already know, but hey there are some that may still not. So far, we are planning to go the 8th of October in this year of 2015. I like how I worded that! HA HA! Also yess, I do realize i still owe you a review for last year. So this year you get a twofer!! Doesn’t make up for it huh? I’m sorry guys just bare **MORTIS crashes down** with me. We’re here!
Let’s open the door and see if we can have a peek. Where are we–
**Door creaks open to see a very angry fire haired clown looking at his now crushed desk**
Crypt with purple lights!? Only one person I know that drives a crypt with purple lanterns… MALICE!!! Get your Top Hatted ass out here! What did I tell you the last time you dropped in!? Call first!
Jack “The Clown” Schmidt everyone! Jack I apologized for that. Besides, you still have Eddie as a Chainsaw weilding maniac! Did you really need the one with the stitched face?
Yeah I know I have Eddie, but do you know what its like dealing with that prick Michael Bay? Almost as bad as watching his Nightmare on Elm Street! I shudder just thinking about it!
What if I promise to get you a new desk hmm? I’m sure I have something. Why don’t you show me around a bit and I’ll have Minion go look for one and set it up? Good?
Alright deal! But it better have some tricks to it. I liked that damn desk! Chance!!! Come on babes, let’s show Malice around!
**I peek in the door to the MORTIS** MINION!!! Get a desk out of one of the old office rooms and set it up for Jack while I’m gone!
Is that an order Bosss. I thought last night at the party we agreed you were downgraded to miniion?
Do you really want to have this discussion now?
You got a point Bosss, right away!
**Chance comes bouncing in the door**
Sure thing! **Stops wide eyed and plays with the dirt with her foot before looking down** Hi Malice…
Hi there Chance…
Do you really want to cross this bridge with me right now?
Yeah your right, let’s get this thing on the road! What we got for this year my grease painted fiend!
As you may know this is the 25th anniversary of Halloween Horror Nights. So who better to help celebrate than yours truely? So to help celebrate I brought some of the best hits from the last 25 years to life in a side show that people won’t soon forget. I even put a twist on a few classics. Last night went well, but as you know it’s not really a show until the body count beats last year! And boy are we hoping to set the bar high. So.. without anymore adue… WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
This year the event boasts nine houses to keep you screaming in terror. Five Screamzones over run with the best kind of maniacs you can dig up. Two shows to make you laugh and make you yell “Hell Yeah!” to the top of your lungs. And finally as a bonus, Universal has graciously let some of their more popular rides stay open, to flesh it all out. The houses look like this:
The Walking Dead: The Living and The Dead: Travel through a maze where the living can be just as dangerous as the Dead. Back by popular demand, Take a trip through the 5th seasons of AMC’s The Walking Dead. Don’t get bit…
Freddy vs. Jason: Ladies and Gentlemen, I remember how much you loved the New Lines Monsters in 07′, So I’ve brought them back again…and in a big way. Two Horror Icons, one house! I’m going to let them duke it out and you get a front row seat. Remember, Whoever wins, you still lose!
Insidious: This trick took some planning. Prepare to take a trip through the Further. A place where everyone is dead and they all want one thing…YOU! Watch your back. As Beetlejuice says, Possession is 9/10ths of the law!
The Purge: Welcome to a world that is my kind of place! They activated The Purge in the streets last year, this year I’m going to make it a little more personal. Will you survive the night? Or just become another Victim?
An American Werewolf in London: This is a transformation you won’t want to miss. And no it’s not Bruce Jenner! One of the most popular house in Halloween Horror Nights history is back! Come face to face as this horror movie classic howls back to life.
Jack Presents: 25 Years of Monsters and Mayhem: For this attraction, I took a look through the back list of the last 25 years. This is a maze made out of the worst of the worst. The cream of the chop! If you are a Horror Nights fan, all your friends are here. I know you’re just dying to see them…. or rather… you will be.
RUN: Blood, Sweat, and Fears: You know I can’t do a show without Eddie having some input. One of your favorites returns for a third installment. This time the maniacs of RUN are dressed up as a TV show. Makes you really wonder about that new show “Hellevator” huh?
Asylum In Wonderland 3D: Well this made an amazing Scarezone in the past. And everyone loved the cameo in Scary Tales. So I figured… Why not make it larger than life. This isnt the Wonderland you know…
Body Collectors- Recollections: I wonder what will happen when you release the Body Collectors on the Maniacs of Shady Brook Asylum…. Lets find out shall we. What could those collectors possibly be doing with these pieces?
Psychoscarapy – Unleashed: With the Collectors loose in their Asylum, the more aggressive ones hit the street. That place really needs some better security. What do you think?
HHN – Icons: Looks like the gangs all here! Can’t have a birthday bash without some old friends. Its okay kids…they won’t hurt you….Much!
Scary Tales – Screampunk: Your favorite fairytale twisted up with a dash of Saws N Steam… What can possibly go wrong? Well they could turn into blood thirsty maniacs… but that wont hurt me one bit!
Evil’s Roots: Sometimes you just haave to go back to your roots… And that’s what we have done. HHN has grown some pretty horrible monsters in the past, and thats just what I’ve done for you here…. Only I planted them in Central Park! Ha Ha Ha!
All Nite Die-In – Double Feature: You loved it as a house, now its a Scarezone! Whats better than a Drive Thru? How about a Drive Thru that brings movies to life… Horror Movies that is!
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Halloween Adventure: Your favorite time traveling duo is back and no pop culture icon is safe! If you have seen it on your Facebook, chances are you’ll see it here. Bring your sense of humor!
The Carnage Returns: You loved my show back in 07′, What kind of host would I be if it didn’t come back! And bigger than ever! Don’t miss the greatest show unearthed…Staring me!!!
Transformers: The Ride 3D: Help the Autobots fight against the Decepticons. Don’t let them get whats left of the All Spark! Personally I’m pulling for the Deciepticons.
Hollywood Rip Ride, Rock-It: Get ready to ride the music! Pick a tune, and then hold on tight! Good luck hearing your song over the sound of all the screams!
Revenge of the Mummy: Saddle up on this run away coaster as the mummy tries to claim your soul. Either I get you or him. Take your pick.
Men in Black Alien Attack: A;liens have crashed in New York and you have been deputized catch them all and bring them back in. If you bring some to me, theirs some green in it for ya!
Simpsons The Ride: Side Show Bob is on the loose and he has set his sights on, surprise, The Simpsons. Some people never learn!
Harry Potter and the Escape from Gringott’s: Can you survive a trip down to the depths of one of the most heavily guarded banks of the Wizarding world?
So, what do you think Malice? Sound like one hell of a show?
Jack I always trust a show you are part of. Why would I have a reason not to? Horror Nights royalty right here. I can’t wait to experience the whole thing in the flesh. Well I hear the sirens blowing up and calling your name. Better get to it. You got a busy night ahead.
That is true. Let me walk you back to the tent.
Any chance i can ask you for one last favor?
Anything for an old friend….
**We talked as we walked back to his office tent**
Well Minion, its time to go back. Before we go though, There is a matter that needs to be discussed.
Oh yeah? Whats that boss?
Well the other night you had some pretty harsh words for me. And well, I just wanted to tell you I’ve thought long and hard on them. I appreciate your honesty and well. I want to reward you with a sneak peek at one of Jack’s secret attractions.
Really Boss? Damn that’s awesome! I thought you would have been mad…
Me Mad!? Noooooo! That’s not me. You see it’s right over here in this cage. You just stand… right there yes, and pull that rope to undo the curtain.
OK here goes! Wonder whats inside...
**Minion pulls the rope. The floor drops out and he falls down a shoot into a dark hole**
Uh Boss I think I pulled the wrong one..
Oh no Minion, you pulled the right one.
You are actually really mad aren’t you?
Furious actually! **said with a smile** IF YOU EVER CALL ME A MINION AGAIN!!! Well, I just hope you remember this…
What the hell is down… OH GOD! Somethings moving…What do you got down here?
**Toss down a light** Here use this.
Nice of you! What do we got dow…. Oh NO! Oh MAN! THATS A LOT OF TEETH
**Maniacs scream, Zombies Moan, and wolves howl down in the hole as a little light runs around the room** Have fun Minion!
How long you leaving him down there?
Oh I’ll be back after this weekend. He’ll be fine. Just throw him some of the garbage from clean up. Have fun!
**Walking inside the MORTIS I turn some knobs and throw a few switches**
Hmm, I wonder where we go to go next. Maybe I’ll think on it…Was I being too hard on Minion? Leave a message in the comments with what you think!
Until Next Time, My Cheeky Monkeys,
I sit in the MORTIS. Looking around as the dust settles. It has been a busy year…. Had it been a year? No longer than a year! Traveling does such things to the mind. Times, Space, Dimension jumping can scatter the most skilled mind. Let alone one as long scattered as mine. The life of a Cheshire Cat is often not an easy one. I’ve been sitting here for while looking at the wreckage. The consoles all ash marked. The controls taken apart. Everything half-fixed. It’s time to breathe some life back into this old thing. Maybe fixing the ship will help fix the pilot.
I have such stories to tell you all. Such adventures. Hell, Halloween Horror Nights 25 starts tomorrow and I owe you a review from last year still. So many movies have went untalked about. Such current events not discussed. I’ll just say those are probably best not talked about. It appears as if this world has completely lost its mind. I suppose my madness is not the only brand out there. Some people should really watch what brand of madness they subscribe to. After all, some people are out just to watch this world and its time line burn. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue, but me and the little bit just so happen to call this plane home. Can’t allow it to go to complete shit now can we. She’s a little too fond of this dimension.
I get up from many chair. It’s so dark in here. Lets take a look outside. Opening the door i look down at the Earth. So peaceful from way up here floating in orbit. Scanning the land, I have to say I don’t like what I see in a good portion of it. I’m done with the negative. The negative side of life has choked me out for far too long. I stretch my arms and crack my neck. As my neck makes a loud pop, my hat falls. Man is it dusty. I slap the dust off and place it on my crown. My eyes widen as I run inside. A grand idea crosses my mind. I’ll throw this switch, and turn these knobs! Pull down these levers and turn on the these breakers. The computer console whines to life. Hmm, yes! These commands. Lets change the look of this ol girl. Lets make things look new…NO! Classic. Yes, classic Victorian…But with a bit of pirate. Like my old ship! And with just a dash of steam!
The room lights up as everything goes blurry and fades away. The old, burnt, broken, and busted gives way to beautiful wood and brass work. everything lit up with warm glow. And the gears! Gears! Beautiful Brass Gears! Time to set a coarse…But where too? Maybe we will visit Jack. Jack and his wonderful Carnival of Carnage. Full Report on whats going on with Halloween Horror Nights tomorrow…. I’m back my Cheeky Monkeys! I’m back and its time to switch this life into full overload.