Lindsey Lohan Does Playboy? Justin Bieber Father’s a Child? Juggalo’s a Gang?

As far as Psychotik News goes…I’ve been lacking in horribly. In fact, now that I’m thinking about it, Psychotik has pretty well been dead for most of the existence of this site. I’m hoping to remedy this…and what a week it has been to try to remedy this! Lindsey Lohan’s genitals are about to be seen round the world, (And it’s not the seen part thats as shocking as how much she is being paid!) Justin Beiber has an illegitimate kid, (The best part is when I tell you the details his victim gave!) and the Juggalo’s are finally considered a gang by the FBI!!! There are even a few other things I haven’t mentioned! Well enough with the jibber jabber…here’s…THE NEWS!!!

Lindsey Lohan Get’s Naked…

After years of her saying she wouldn’t do a magazine like Playboy…well…she finally hit low enough to do it. I kind of thought there already was nude photos of her circulating around the web, but maybe that’s different in her eyes? I don’t know. All I know is as of late Lindsey has the golden snatch. The Freaky Friday star is getting $1 Million Dollars for her pictorial. (Hef got rooked! She would have probably did it for $500, 000…) I know I’m kind of late to the party on all of this, but hey I’m sure there is someone out in the land of the interwebz that doesn’t know yet!!! The picture shoot was October 27th I believe. Funny thing is they had to do a reshoot. And from what I’ve seen, it’s been a fight between who’s fault it is. She better hurry though. She only has until November 9th and then she is back in the slammer for a V.O.P.

While we are on the subject, she was also offered a contract with sex toy company Flesh Light for $1 Million Dollars. Apparently they think nerds will line-up around the block to have a “Crack” at LiLo’s crack…and not the powdery fund stuff either (Well I guess you coul have crack, while having a “Crack” at her crack?…I don’t know.) I wonder if they would give it freckels…? Maybe make it reek of booze…? Could you imagine the advertisements? “Just the thing for your Freaky Fridays…Here comes the real Parent Trap…” (You know if it became popular enough…the Olsen Twins would be next) It all doesn’t matter anyway, she said no. Prude….There goes my next house party conversation piece…

Justin Beiber has a “Billy Jean”?

The next little nugget of news involves the Bieb. A woman is actually claiming to have had sex with little helmet head. She says, that her and Justin were both butt naked and bangin’ on the bathroom floor. And just like Shaggy before him…he say’s “It wasn’t me!” When you here the details, it get worst! The woman makes it out to be some kind of seedy rape scene. The kind of rape scene thats in black and white and the film is all grainy. I personally belive Justin…Why? Because I can’t imagine anyone out there ever wanting to touch his “Wee Wee.” I do have a theory though…

The kid wants to be a “King of Pop”…what better way then creating his very own “Billie Jean” scenario? Is it so hard to believe that the Bieb wouldn’t try to stage something like this? Then again…maybe I’m looking to far into it. Maybe I’m looking for things that just aren’t there. The paternity test will tell…Which by the way should happen as soon as he get’s back from his tour over seas…Wouldn’t it be hilarious if he thought he could bluff it, took it…and it was his!? Oh the cries of prepubescent girls across the globe would be DEFENING!!!

Juggalos a Gang? How does that work…?

It’s been a long time coming but finally the FBI now considers the fans of ICP a gang! I’m not saying I agree with it, more I just saw it coming. It’s always the few that ruin it for the lot. To say Juggalos are worthy of being called a gang, is on the same level of saying all Trekkie’s are a gang! Juggalos don’t even know how Magnets work…let along basic fundamentals to a gang…No I know where all of this madness comes from. It stems from stupidity…

It’s no secret, if you go to one of the Gatherings…if you don’t fit in to what they think is cool…those crowds get stupid. Not just Gatherings…other Psychopathic Record shows in general. Not to mention the complex near religious following that the “Joker Cards” have attached to them. ICP fans are a little nutty…but certainly not a gang. In all seriousness, the attention has been drawn to them because of their violence of a smaller group. Much as the two kids from Columbine ruined it for all goth kids. One has to wonder how they are going to police this. All I know, if I were a Juggalo…I wouldn’t mention it out loud. You never know when Big Brother is looking…

Well Kids, this may be the last for fun article for a while. I have got to start working on those short stories. I know you will all love it…

Until Next Time, My Freaky Darlings,

Malice Psychotik