Ho Ho Ho! And Merrrry Christmas, Freaky Darlings!! Another year has come and is now drawing to a close. What kind of Psychotik Christmas would it be without something about the Krampus. This little masterpiece has been stuck in my head for quite some time. I do hope you all enjoy my revisioning of the Christmas Classic, Twas’ the Night Before Christmas.
Twas’ The Night of the Krampus
Twas the Night of the Krampus, when all through the house
Rang the sounds of screams, From a little boy named Klaus.
The little brat was staying up in a stubborn dare,
Telling his parents St. Nick wouldn’t care.
The child was tearing everything asunder,
Not realizing the follies of his foolish blunder.
With Mom pulling her hair out and Dad’s head in his lap,
Just wishing this little demon would just cut his crap.
When all of a sudden we heard a devilish laughter,
The red-headed child ran out the door to see what was the matter.
Out the door he flew fast as The Flash,
Sending porcelain collectables down with a crash!
The door off its hinges sitting in the snow,
You think he would have slipped, but his legs just said no.
When, just then he noticed to his ultimate shock,
8 Hellish horses pulling a disheveled wooden box.
With a big hairy driver brandishing chains and a stick,
He knew in a moment this wasn’t St Nick.
Faster than bat’s from Hell, his coarse voice came,
And he snarled, and snorted, and yelled at them by name!
“Now Slasher! now, Masher! now, Pounder and Nixon!
On, Vomit! On, Stupid! On Dahmer and Manson!
Storm the Porch! And take down a wall!
Now Hurry Quick! Run away! Run away all!”
Coming in fast and wreckless as could be,
They caused such a mess you could hardly see.
At the last second he pulled up landing rough on the roof,
Falling out of the “sleigh” he landed with a Oof!.”
Cursing and Angry he jumped up and down,
“Are you trying to kill me you great stupid clowns!!”
The little boy came running and fell to the ground,
Down the chimney Krampus came with a terrible sound.
He was covered in grey fur, from his head to his hoofed foot,
On his head long horns all dirty and covered in soot.
A bag full of chains he had flung from his back,
A toothy grin of terror split his lips and he smelled like a yak!
His eyes dark pits… He looked very scary!
His skin was like leather, he was not here to make merry!
His stroked on his club ready to go,
This little shrimp would pay, he didn’t even know.
Drawing back…he stopped, there was something to say,
“Why have you been a little shit all year and all day?”
The Boy couldn’t answer, He choked up with fright!
The Krampus just smiled he was filled with delight!
“Most people don’t know of me, but you’ll soon find out…”
The beast moved and made the little spoiled boy shout!
With a hock of loogie, and a twist of his head,
The little snot knew not to be happy but filled with dread.
Not another word was spoken, he went straight to his work,
Stuffing the boy in his bag, Krampus gave the parents a smirk.
He then shoved a finger deep in his nose,
With a passing of gas, up the chimney he rose!
Jumping in the sleigh, he gave the commanding sound,
Away the fleet flew burying deep ground.
With a loud laugh, just before leaving sight he did yell,
“Have a Horrid Christmas, cause’ I’m dragging you to Hell!”
So how was that? Guess that little shit will learn to be a little better to Mommy and Daddy. I do hope the lot of you are having a Happy Holiday and a good time with what ever your plans may be. Do make sure you stop by here a little more often, as I have a few articles coming up you won’t want to mix. ALSO!!! Encyclopedia Psychotika will be at Universal Studios Orlando on the 22nd of this month tp bid farewell to JAWS!!! What a sad day it shall be…
Until Next Time, Mt Freaky Darlings,
P.S If you need to know a little more about The Krampus…check out this old link…https://malicepsychotik.wordpress.com/2010/12/24/a-holiday-message-from-malice-psychotik/