As most of you know, my 2014 was a rough year. A relationship of years dissolved right before my eyes. It was crushing. I had held onto it for so long. In hind sight there were a lot of signs I should have just let it go. Just let it end. Maybe if I would have it wouldn’t have been so hard. I guess the small optimistic side of me just took hold too hard. That started a bad downward spiral for me. One that I kept the magnitude to myself.
I endured a lot over those next couple months. Watching my once fiance with another man wasn’t easy. It was all right in front of my eyes and in the closest of fashion. That was my mistake. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to be subjected to that. I think in that tail spin that was my mind, I convinced myself that if I held on long enough, that maybe it would just be a phase. I was wrong. I slipped away further into myself causing all kinds of new fractures to my being. Emotionally, I was allowing myself to be destroyed. To an extent, I am still there just in a lesser degree.
As months rolled by, I started to find myself a little more. I lost friends because they didn’t agree with the way I was handling things, but then times like these you find who your true friends really are. I also gained some amazing friends and repaired a friendship that had been lost to the ages. Funny how things work out. I started to think that I was pulling up. That I was slowly starting to regain myself or some sort of myself…I was wrong.
In thinking I had pulled myself back together, I complicated things with a very dear friend of mine. In fact I had adopted a thought process that I should always be honest with my feelings. I need to learn to control that and modify a bit, because its going to cost me some dear friends. Somethings are just too complex. Now, it’s such a sticky situation to even be able to talk to that friend… Wrapping my mind around fixing the problem. It’s like a clockwork box with millions of small gears. If ones spring pops… the whole thing falls apart.
In closing… I’m a broken being. I’m still all twisted up, but I’m trying to find a way to fix it. I think one thing that would help is if I return here. If I return myself to my work. Allow my madness to flow from my finger tips and on to this screen. I know I’ve lost some viewership. I hope I can earn you all back. Maybe even some new ones. I think I’ll start to chronicle some adventures of my own. Tell you the story of Malice. So my cheeky monkeys….I think this time I won’t make a grand re-entrance…I think I’ll just poor some tea and start to write
See You Soon, My Cheeky Monkeys,