Kirby Power? More like Kirby Fail!

The other day I told you the weekly rage comic for the week was inspired by an event involving some vacuum salesman. I have to share with  you the whole story. It’s rather entertaining. I would also like to add that this is probably going to be a far cry from the write up they thought they were going to get. Not to say that the salesman were all bad. They were pretty cool. However, the company they worked for screwed them over from the get go. False advertisement never bodes well with the consumer, just a FYI.

First the hustle! So  get this phone call from a company called American Eagle. According to them they are moving into the area, and wanted to give a few people free cleaning and see if they could spread their reputation around a little. To explain why I fell for it, there actually is an American Eagle carpet cleaning company in the next city over. So, why would it be hard to believe a company like them could be moving in? Apparently, it should have been harder to believe than what it was. Still though I was swept up in joy. The little Psychotik had a birthday party that weekend. It was going to be nice having the carpets cleaned professionally at no charge. Lesson learned, if it’s free…it’s probebaly not worth it!

I set the appointment up for that Wednesday, and I thought everything was going to be awesome. When they showed up to the door, I saw now van or heavy equipment. Just two guy with two bags. That’s when I noticed, their bags said Kirby! I had heard of Kirby vacuum salesman…nothing good I assure you. I was like, “Hello? How can I help you?” They explained they were from American Eagle and that they were here to demonstrate the Kirby vacuum for me. I explained to them what I was told. They never really seemed to acknowledge that fact. Still the started the pitch and the demo. I have to say, the vacuum portion for the time being was pretty impressive. Or seemed to be. You see they used these little white disks to catch the dirt to show you how much it was pulling out of the carpet. They also had to vacuum for quite some time to get it “Clean”. And being in since they were only using the disk, for all I knew that could have still been the same amount my vacuum pulls out. I let them go on though, they were doing something and I didn’t have to. When we moved to mini-Psychotik’s room…thats when things got lengthy. They vacuumed out the whole thing, then proceeded to show me the carpet shampoo feature. It did pretty good. About as good as a Rug Doctor, but pretty good. Now supposedly, it was supposed to dry in an hour and a half (that was after being told on the phone 30 minutes.)  They thought they had me. Especially when I asked them how much they wanted for one. Apparently the bestthey could do for me was $1000…Sorry gentleman but I have way better things  can do with $1000 dollars than purchase a substandard vacuum with a few bells and whistles. You may be asking yourself were this came from? It seemed as if I was okay with it. Let me tell you why it’s substandard…

My professional evaluation of the Kirby vacuum goe as follows…it sucks and my sinuses hate it even worst. As good as the thing appears to clean, it lacks a very important element of todays current cleaners…a filtration system. Hell, you can go to Walmart right now and for $30 get a vacuum that at least has 3 filters. One of them at least being a hepa filter. The Kirby had none and we all paid for it in the night and day following. You see darlings, no matter how good a vacuum is, if you have no air filters on it, your just throwing all of that deep cleaned mess into the air. That was strike one, here goes strike two. Remember when I told you the floor was supposed to dry in 1 hour and a half. It didn’t fully dry until Friday afternoon. I seriously almost took my Bissell over it just to dry it up. It was ridiculous. And he spent forever on it making pass, after pass, after pass to dry te floor better. The last strike of course is the price tag. I could take $1000 and buy an awesome Dyson and a Rug Doctor and still have some money to play with. No to mention that fact they may last longer.

Lesson learned, if a company offers you a free cleaning ask more questions on the phone. It’s a shame that they couldn’t have been more honest.I still don’t think I would have turned them down if they would have been more honest with me. Now I would, because I know what their craptastic vacuum does to my sinuses! Originally though I would not have. Well, that’s all the time for today. By the way, I’m not late with a review of Marvel’s The Avengers, I have not been able to see it yet. No cash equals no bueno. I do have every plan to go see it this Thursday though. So look for it about Friday.

Until Next Time, My Freaky Darlings,

Malice Psychotik


p.s Never look for Kirby Vacuum cleaners on the internet. Now everytime I go looking for an image of Kirby for the site, it redirects me to a fucking vacuum site. FUCK YOU KIRBY!!!! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!


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