Happy Psychotik Easter!!!

Happy Easter, My Freaky Darlings! it’s a wonderful day in the Psychotik neighborhood. You know I tried finding you all some interesting tidbits about Easter for this article. Sadly, I can find none! Really I was trying to find out where the hell a rabbit that lays eggs became the head of a religious holiday. Truth be told, it looks like absolutely no one knows. Best I can tell the Rabbit (or as in the old German tales…Hare) is mostly from German Myth. If I read correctly it had something to do with the way people wanted to celebrate traditionally, but not traditionally? At any rate, America was the one that finally made it commercial in the 1800’s. The coloring of eggs was the most interesting I found info on. You see, the reason they ended up doing so much with eggs has two parts. One had to do with the fact there was some kind of fasting holiday right before. Since everyone fasted, there was an over abundance of eggs. Second part had something to do with the adoption of a pagan spring ritual. The eggs represented fertility, and the bright colors came from dying the eggs with the fresh spring flowers. Other than that, the trail runs cold….except for one interesting thing!

As you all know, I do love the Krampus. But why isn’t there a version of the Krampus for Easter? I searched and searched and search….sure enough! I found it!!! Do any of you remember a little movie called Dogma? Do you remember the Golgothan? Well that’s it! The Golgothan Shit Demon is the Krampus of Easter. You see, the Easter Bunny took over the Holiday, much like Santa did Christmas. And as Krampus is the opposite of Santa…the Shit Demon is the same to Easter Bunny. Let me catch you up to speed with a quote from the Muse:

“Yeah, well it wasn’t just Christ up there – the Romans crucified everybody on that hill. And Christ excluded, they were all criminals – killers, brigands, thieves, rapists. And whenever the crucified expired, their bodies would naturally lose muscle control, spilling bowel and bladder in the process. And the result is that walking pile of crap up there: the Golgothan Shit-Demon – Hell’s chief assassin. And he’s here for you, girlie.” Serendipity, Dogma

Now that you know “What” the Golgothan is…let me tell you where he fit’s in. You see…He’s not really an assassin for Hell…Oh No! The Golgothan punishes children for being bad. If you have been a little brat between Christmas and Easter (Which some kids are…Hey Santa already came they don’t have to start being good until at least July!) Easter Bunny doesn’t visit you…he does. You know what he does? He leaves you a basket…a basket full of steamy, ripe shit! The worst part is, your parents don’t believe in the Golgothan…SO THEY BLAME IT ON YOU!!! You get Shit all over the place and you get blamed for it! Plus your parents will most likely make you clean it…you loose all around! So, remember kids…be good….JUST FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BE GOOD!!!

***DISCLAIMER***

This is all just in good fun. In no way am I poking fun at anyone’s religion. I believe everyone has the right to believe in what ever they so please…unless it’s diehard Creationism…THE EARTH IS OLDER THAN 6000 YEARS!!! SCIENCE PROVES THIS!!! SCIENCE ALSO PROVES WE DIDN’T RIDE T-REX’S LIKE FUCKING PONIES!!! I do wish everyone a Happy Easter regardless of how you celebrate it! And as for the Golgothan…thats Kevin Smith’s brain child…and he can have it!!! So, don’t worry there is no poop in any childs basket…unless their parents are into that…or you believe in The Easter Bunny like in the movie Hop. Cause in that case, all children have poop in their basket!

Until Next Time, My Freaky Darlings,

Malice Psychotik