It’s that time of year my freaky darlings! The Chaos is almost over. The last call has rung at most of the stores. If you don’t have it you won’t get it. All you have is tonight and tomorrow, then Christmas is out-of-the-way and the drunken debauchery that is New Years Eve is next. I would just like to take the time now to say something of great importance. A cautionary tale if you will…Beware of the Krampus!
What is the Krampus you may ask? The Krampus is a very old accomplice of our very own Santa Clause. You see the Krampus was who naughty children saw instead of Jolly old St. Nick. Apparently the story goes, if you were a naughty child, The Krampus would come in the middle of the night and beat you with a large hickory stick and a rusty chain. If you were really rotten, he would take you in his sack, and drag you to hell…I’m so not shitting you. To make it worse this is still a current story in most places! Now there are different variations of the Krampus, but this about sums the creepy asshole up.
Now I know most of you out there are scratching you head and calling me full of it, but I assure you he’s not. Google it! At any rate, I wanted to make sure all My Little Freaky Darlings out there knew of this beast. So if you have a little one, makes sure you tell them what Uncle Malice said: If you’re a bad little rotten egg of a brat, the Krampus is going to kick your ass and poo in your stocking (You can leave out the drag you to hell, I want your kid to actually sleep tonight and not shoot you when you walk in the bedroom) I love you all, and have a Merry ChristmaHaunaKwanzika! What ever you celebrate, I hope you have a good one!
p.s. No I did not go back in time and make this up…not that I know of yet